Finding Myself Where I AM

Lots of changes in the last 2 months. It happened fast. So fast that I actually have been struggling with the decisions made in such a rapid fire progression.

Martha has been planning a two month excursion since the Prostate Cancer struggle two years ago. I was told by God when the diagnosis came out that I was to not worry about it. As I have said already, I didn't. That didn't mean that God wouldn't take me in a rather painful, or uncomfortable way. It didn't mean that He was going to heal me. It just meant what He said. "Do not worry about it."

So, I didn't.

Martha, on the other hand wasn't given the command that I was. She didn't show it, so I assumed she wasn't worrying about it as well. However, after we returned to Florida in the late fall that year, Greg, my friend and neighbor, asked her how she was doing. She broke down and cried right there in our driveway, in front of the world.

For those who know Martha, that was not normal.

I think this trip was kind of a, well, just in case we need to have something in our bucket list checked off...

The trip was a beta trip or trial run for a larger plan. She had been planning a life of travel after she retired, but that idea wasn't one that I swallowed until last summer when I was in Ormond Beach, by myself. As I sat on my porch swing looking at all of the work around the house I had to do, I realized that if we did what Martha wanted, I would not not have any work to do around the house any more, no mowing, no repairs, no updates, no anything!

That was when I changed my mind.

Adding to that, I realized if we did stay when Martha retired, that though we could afford to stay in our beach house, we would be living a bit tight. Even if I took Social Security at 62, We would not be able to eat out very often, and worst of all, we would not be able to travel to Australia to see the Grand Kiddos but every 2 years or so. That just wasn't going to work.

So, sell the house it was, and do what they call "Slow Traveling". Basically, you travel the world but instead of doing it vacation-like, you stay for one to three months in any one location. The cost is vastly more economical. That is staying at a really nice condo for three months at $500-800 a month compared to $1000 for a week or two. With the food cost ridiculously high in the States, we can live extremely well for $2500 to $3000 a month and not worry about hurricanes, repairs, and absurdly increasing insurance rates. We had just planned to do it in a year or so...

We went to visit with a realtor after our neighbor's house sold in 1 day, for over $500k. Thinking we would maybe put the house on the market in August or later, the realtor adamantly said "No, that is the worst time to sell a house, you need to sell it now"...we had three weeks until our two month trip.

Years ago, God gave me a wonderful analogy to know that at any point in our lives we can KNOW we are in God's will. Isn't that what we want as a Christian? Yes, if we are...it is.

When you are walking down a path and you reach a fork in the road, you have a choice, right or left.

Step one: You stop.

Step two: You ask God: "Lord, which way do you want me to go?" (Technically, if you have made Him Lord, you don't need to do this, but for the struggle, it is important)

Step three: If God doesn't send an Angel, Prophet, Dream, vision, or bizarrely coincidental point of a direction, you use the information, and mind, He has given you.

Step four: You pick a direction and go.

Now here is the rub. Say you picked the left direction because it looked better. It was a green, level path with birds chirping and butterflies flying. The right path had a large hill to start with. It just looked a bit harder and not as good as the left path. It was, in fact, all the information you had at your disposal.

However, after a couple of miles, the path became hard, really hard. Wild animals, bandits, briars and swamps, it was just terrible. Worse, you can see the other path, and though there is no way to get there now, you can clearly see that those on that path are having parties, and life is good. The travelers there are enjoying free food and beer!

"Wow, I chose the wrong path! I missed God's plan for me! I missed God's direction!!"

Wrong! Very wrong! No, you asked your Father for guidance. Did He hear you or not? Did He guide you or not? Is He trustworthy or not?

Of course He is. You are just doubting His plan for you. Yes, this is normal and part of our growth in trusting Him. If you die on the hill there, you will never know and trust God enough to actually walk in power. You will always second guess God, and believe you have some responsibility to make it work.

Works kill faith.

Faith is trusting God, not you...Always. Did you give Him your life? Did He take it? Then if He doesn't want you to go a certain way, isn't He powerful enough to stop you, even if you didn't ask?

Yes, HE IS.

You just need to agree with it. To believe it. Do you?

He will test you, you know. Not to prove you worthy, He has already made you that. No, He will test you like metal, it is to make your faith stronger. "Bummer, that way would have been much easier! Oh, well, God is God, and this is the path He wants for me. I trust Him. So, lets see what His plan has in store..." That is walking by faith.

I write this article in our Hotel in Chang Mai, Thailand. We have been here 8 days now. The hotel is nice enough, but the bed is hard. The streets and surroundings are rather third world. The sidewalks are a bit dangerous as there are pipes sticking out of them and holes that can be quite deep. You really need to watch where you walk. My left shin still has a reminder mark for not doing that 4 days ago. It is not as nice as I hoped it would be. It is very inexpensive though. We got this hotel for a month at a rate of $500. That is vastly cheaper than our $1500 mortgage (which is rather low for many across the US right now!). Food is ridiculously cheap and very good! I love Thai food! Still, when I lie in bed talking to God in the dark, I look at the other path and lament.

"I miss my beach house. I can't believe we just sold what we could, and gave away everything else in three weeks. I had thousands of dollars worth of tools alone! Ugh! What have I done! Where did I go wrong!?"

I didn't, and He gently reminded me again of what I already know.

I asked, and He guided. Even though it happened so fast, He, being God of all reality, could have easily said or done something. He changed our world in three weeks. It was a blur, but I know that I know, that I am in His will...and always will be.

Because I am His.

Even my stupidity will work out for His plan. He never needs to adjust. He doesn't doge and weave. He doesn't need to. He is outside of time and space. Nothing surprises Him, and nothing can thwart or delay His plan, especially not me.

Much of this is tied to my desire to serve Him. I have had a superhero complex since I was little. I think most guys do. I wanted to make my mark in the world. Be the big shot, change the world, change lives. When I got saved, I wanted to be Moses 2, or Elijah 2. Why aim low?

Of course, it doesn't matter what we want. When we give our lives to Jesus Christ, He takes them...even our dreams. Yes, I think He does often have a better plan, but no, not always. Remember James and John. They wanted to be the Candlesticks, those who will stand before the Lord on His right and on His left. They were not aiming low. They even had their Mom ask Him!! That's just sad.

Either way, Jesus said no. That those places of importance are set already. No, we don't always get "better" than our dreams in God's plan.

Ah, but it will always be the BEST plan for us...yes it will.

So, as I have written before, I have a calling. It wasn't what I thought I was asking for, but it is important none the less. Still, will it be in effect in a country where I can't even speak to them? Will it change now that our place in the world has changed so drastically? He still isn't using my teachings in a big way, but He is using them.

I don't know. But I know God, and He will do it whether I like it or not. It will also be glorious when I am done.

Yes, it will. Because He is more interested in the faith and trust than what I accomplish.

Even if I don't own anything but the clothes I carry here, or the next place we go to. My journey has not changed, because God has not changed.

It has just gotten more interesting!

I need to stop looking back and swallow the faith God is offering. This might even be bitter in the tasting, but it will be sweet in the stomach.

Great reward always follows great faith.