Leaning Toward Hopeful

I've had a lot more interactions with God than most people. If you were to believe the super wealthy TV preacher's, you would think my interactions were minor, as most of them talk like Jesus confides in them for all His decisions.

I find them arrogant and selfish, more like the other guy than Jesus.

Still, I bug Him constantly for more. I just said to Him a few minutes ago, "you used to walk with Adam regularly." He did, that's what is written. Now, we only get glimpses and tiny pieces of connection, of walking with Him.

A year or so ago, after reading about the prophets seeing the throne with all the activity, brilliant light and awesomeness, I said that I wanted to see that. His reply? "You have been here, many times, you just don't remember it."

OK, first off, was it Him speaking? I know that when I say these things almost all my friends don't really believe it. If they did, they would ask questions. I would. I have, whenever I've run into someone who has said they have heard or seen God. I love this Guy. Of course I want to know if it's true, and what they learned about Him.

No one asks.

I get it. He has told me that He made me to be diminished in the eyes of men. He never told me why, but if He did it, who am I to question it?

Yes, I know it was Him talking. When He talks it's just different. It's confident, smart, and direct. I do not think that way in my own mind.

It's not the devil, for I know my God would not allow that. He has, but that was a long time ago, in a place of learning to hear HIS voice. I don't need that anymore. I know He won't do it now.

Faith is "knowing", it is like a 6th sense. With true faith, which is given by God, you just know, and there is no amount of lies that can dissuade you. This is how you first believe in Jesus.

You just know.

Still, with my "small" interactions, I feel distant from Him. Most of my prayers for those I care about seem to fall on deaf ears. I know they don't, and if God wanted to, He could part the heavens and tear mountains apart at my request. Yet, He doesn't.

He can.

Of course He can. I know it! So, why not? Doesn't He care?

He does. However, He also knows what will work best and what will make things worse. He does have a plan...with a forever view. A view that none of us can possibly grasp.

I remain hopeful. I hope to see more of Him. I hope to remember any "visitations" He currently doesn't want me aware of. I hope to see my prayers for others happen with a light show. Yes, I want to walk with God.

He says I already do.

Some days it sure doesn't feel like it.

He has a plan, and it's a good one. He's playing the long game. Faith, real faith is "knowing" this and being supremely confident in the outcome, even in the face of certain disaster.

He can change anything, and everything.

Yet, will He?

I don't know, but I do "know" that He is good.

Because of that, I will always lean toward hopeful.