Career Goals

Numbers 12:5-8a

5. Then the LORD came down in a pillar of cloud; he stood at the entrance to the Tent and summoned Aaron and Miriam. When both of them stepped forward,

6. he said, "Listen to my words: "When a prophet of the LORD is among you, I reveal myself to him in visions, I speak to him in dreams.

7. But this is not true of my servant Moses; he is faithful in all my house.

8. With him I speak face to face, clearly and not in riddles; he sees the form of the LORD.

30 years ago, I was praying on our couch in Nashua, NH. I used to pray with my knees on the couch and my arms folded on the back while looking out the window into the street below. We were renting the top floor of a two family house at the time.

During that prayer, I had this strange feeling that if anyone walked in the room and asked "what is God thinking?" that I could tell them...accurately.

"Arrogant much?" Maybe, but not if it's true.

I wanted early on to be used by God in some way. I used to say "I want the Moses thing." Not to be a prophet honored by men or leading a large number of people. No, by the Moses thing, I mean to be one who talks with God face to face, to see Him on the mountain, to be in front of the burning bush.

I have been a Christian for 40 years now and during that time I have had at least 16 dreams and many visions. Still, I have not stood before God face to face, nor have I heard His voice out loud (as far as I know). Yet, I have known since I started this journey that He has called me to something more, even through all the opposition, disappointment and invisibility, I have KNOWN that something is coming.

I'm going to be 60 this year and even with the ministry failures I can feel it getting closer and stronger.

I am not sure what it is, but the feeling is like sitting on the bench in a baseball game waiting for the coach to say "Get in there!"

Sure, I have doubted this "calling" and even thought I was crazy many times. I mean dreams and visions, seeing God?

Dreams.

Well, it's funny. The dreams from God are different. Most of my dreams are chaotic and jump all over the place with tiny stories that are more like an LSD trip than any reflection of reality. But, the God dreams have a flow. They really have a story, a direction and are clearly a message that is loaded with symbolism. There is no mistaking them. You wake knowing that God spoke.

You may not understand what He said, but you know it was Him and He will explain it...when it is time.

Visions are also different, I have seen many people who claim to have gotten a vision from God. I'm sorry, but most of these have been just their imagination. It's really easy to tell as their visions fly in the face of scripture. That and often enough while they are speaking the Holy Spirit will say something to me like,"Yeah, no."

Visions are strong. My imagination is not. I have daydreamed since I was little. Visions are not daydreams, though they can branch off from them. I can be walking, sitting, standing, praying or even playing a game when my thoughts or daydream take a strange turn and become focused.

I call it "highlighting".

Highlighting is when God takes something going on and just points to it somehow. You just know. I have read books and a sentence will jump out. I have watched movies or TV shows and something done or said will stand out. I have even seen someone say something in an unrelated topic and while it happens God will speak and teach or show me something interesting.

It is not imagination. Like my dreams, my imagination and thoughts when I am awake can be very chaotic. Not during a vision. They flow with a meaningful story or pattern. And also like the dreams, the meaning may be outside of my understanding...for now.

God speaks when He wants. It is not an on demand thing. I don't control it, not even a tiny bit. At any point God can tell me something to say it to another. He has done it before. Yet it happens when He wants. It is also not something I have had to work toward or be trained in. It was always there, because it is Him and He is always there.

God is God. He does what He wants, with who He wants, when He wants. He is in control of all things, including me. I am not psychic or a medium. I am just a man of God waiting on the sidelines for my best friend to give me something to do.

The end result, is not my responsibility or a reflection of me. Success or failure of the words are all up to Him. My job is to just listen, wait and run forward with when He says go.

To be be used by God is everything to me. My jobs over the years have been just a means to an end. A way to pay the bills. My hearts desire is to have a relationship with the God of the entire universe like Moses did.

Is it possible?

Sure, but it is not up to me. Maybe it is what's coming, maybe not. Either way, it is what I seek, it is my goal, my reason for getting up in the morning. For now, I still pray, I still listen, and I still wait for Him to speak.