It is Baffling

In 1984 I cried out to God. My life was a mess, I had been kicked out of the University of Texas due to my poor grades. My friends ditched me due to a falling out with a mutual friend. Even my own mother was disgusted with me.

My cry was simple. "God, if you don't take my life and do something with it, I'm going to end it...today.

I wasn't kidding.

He appeared. Well, I couldnt see Him with my eyes, but in my mind, the image of a man in white was so prominent that I could clearly identify a person. Yet, I could not see a face.

The man said in my mind, "I will take your life and make something of you."

I then told Him, "I don't want to just sit in a church pew, I want you to do whatever it takes to make me the best that you can make me, not the best that I can do."

It was then that I watched the man write something down in a rather large book. Once He did, the vision vanished.

Yes, Jesus the Christ stood in front of me. At the time, I didn't know it was Him. I thought it might have been an angel representing Him. It wasn't until November 20th of 2002 that He made sure I knew it was Him.

Similarly to 1984, my life was falling apart. A second church I had been sent to start by a Vineyard Church was collapsing. I had also lost my job and had been out of work for almost a year and a half. Church leadership and those who I considered peers were avoiding me. I felt lost again...even as a Christian.

November 20th was my birthday. I had planned on attending a regional pastors meeting with Martha. As I showered, I began to doubt that I had even seen the vision in 1984.

It was the first and only time I had ever done so. I doubted it so much I fell to my knees in the shower and just sobbed. I felt I was a fool. I had decieved myself into thinking I was called to something. That He even took my life. Yes, lost.

Still, I got my self together and went to the meeting with Martha. During the lunch break, a man named Mark Cowper-Smith sat down next to me. He was a friend of the guest speaker, and just tagged along.

He said hello, and asked how I was doing. I told him, "Oh great! God hates me, my church plant is failing, and I've been out of work for almost a year and a half...ha, ha ha".

No, I wasnt trying to be funny. I was hurting. As of that morning, I believed I had decieved myself that God cared about me and that He really took my life.

Mark responded with "God doesn't hate you, He loves you..." That was about all I heard thinking "Yeah, that's what I would have said..." Then, he said, "You know, you asked Him to do it, and then you saw Him write it down."

This really happened. Yes, God still does miraculous things. I had never met the man before. No one in the room but Martha knew what happened to me in 1984. There are still prophets.

God doesn't change.

I have told this story so many times over the years that I could not possibly count. I have also told many, many more things God has shown me and done.

Those who know me, know I do not lie. Those who don't know me, never bother to find out. Still, I tell my stories. Stories that show that God is real...and reachable.

So, why do so many claim they would not be as the Pharisees, or the Romans, and yet ignore similar stories from people they can question, and then believe impressive men without question, those they can never meet?

It is baffling.

Yet, if God wanted it to be different...it would be.

Complain I may, but trust Him I will.

Oh, and yes, Mark Cowper-Smith is a real person. I follow him on Facebook. If you care to investigate my story, you can even ask him. I'm sure he will remember.

Me, I will never forget how God sent me a man from California on the only day I doubted that I was important to Him.

Yes, He did!