Chained to the Bench

I became a Christian in 1982. Unfortunately, for two years I was not a very good one. No, I was completely unidentifiable from the rest of the college students around me. I still slept with a girl I was dating, drank way to much alcohol and smoked un-proscribed marijuana occasionally. Unidentifiable for two years, up until God ripped my world out from under me to get my attention. My attention He got, and has not lost it since.

So, in 1984, I really, REALLY, realized that HE was God, and that meant much more than I had previously imagined. You see, I had an encounter.

An encounter with the one above all, is exciting. It is life changing. It TOTALLY changes your view on EVERYTHING.

I was ready then. I wanted to throw everything away and do some awesome thing for Him, even if it meant losing my life. No, not exaggerating. No, not kidding. I really did want to give Him my all...I still do.

Attempt after attempt to jump in to the fray and play the game, God would snap me back to a place of waiting...the bench. Yes, I am a bench warmer for God.

Was it by choice? No.

Was it because I am not good enough? No...none of us are good enough.

Maybe my heart was wrong? Well, if so, God could have easily changed it.

So what happened? I don't know. But I do know that every-time I step up to the plate, evil men or circumstances get in the way and shut me down.

Ah, so it is the devil who is stopping you! No, because, I know who God is. The devil can't stop Him, so if I work for God, how would the enemy stop me at all. No, the devil can't even slow me down. God, can overcome ALL obstacles, even self-centered leaders or peers who want to ruin you. No one can stop God and anyone He chooses to work through.

So, why would He do this? Growth. That is pretty much all I know for now.

Growth for what? Ha! You got me. But I do know this. The work of God in our lives is not what we do. No, It is us. He is more concerned with what I become than what I do for Him...He doesn't need us after all. He can do anything and everything without us if He wants to.

I spoke to a man's wife at church a few years ago. She had said her husband was really struggling with where God had him. He was sure he was called to more and didn't understand why. This I knew. This I could identify with. After all, I had been struggling with the same thoughts and feelings for many years at that point. I figured I could help him. I figured I could encourage him. So, off the bench I went...

As I was asking him questions and then began to try to encourage the man, his countenance changed. I didn't recognize it at first, even though I had seen the same thing many times over the years. I can be so slow sometimes!

Instead of listening, he began to take a defensive posture. Look, I assure you, I did not approach him arrogantly or dominantly at all. No, I detest those things as the evil they are. He was simply offended.

Offended by what I was saying? No, for that would not have been possible based on the words and tone I gave him. No, he was offended because he thought so little of me. Yes, that was the face. That was his tone. How dare I, a nobody in the church, speak words of truth and encouragement to him. His response was not what I expected...but I should have. I did know better.

"What are YOU doing for God?"

Instead of gracious or thankful words, he attacked me. I had told him God had me chained to the bench. He then listed off (and pointed to) several men in the church who were doing things for God. Little things but doing something. Why wasn't I doing anything? Then he said "chained to the bench. What does that even mean?"

Now in a saddened, humiliated, defensive position, I tried to explain again. He wasn't interested in an answer. So as he walked away in disgust. I was left, again, like a deer in the headlights wondering what the hell just happened.

That is the chain. It snaps you back from the neck up. And it hurts too.

Yes, maybe I should have not even tried. Maybe I should have just stayed on the bench. It would surly be less painful...but, I can't. I just CAN"T.

I am still excited about Him due to my original encounter and quite a few more since then. I am not perfect. I would not even call myself good. No, but I do have passion to spare, and through the discouragement, failure and the brutal snaps of the chain, I will still keep trying.

You see the crazy thing about my effort to minister to that man. Yes, it was ministry, no different that anything everyone of the men he pointed at were doing. Yet, because of his pride, he couldn't see it, and used me to make himself feel bigger in an evil way. How sad that is to me! I think it is to God as well.

You see that is what God wants. Not bigness, not important work. No, He wants a man or woman to have a passion for Him that won't quit no matter where or what they are chained to. Because in reality, the chain doesn't just keep me attached to the bench, it keeps me attached to Him.

You see, He is sitting on the bench...right next to me.