Do Your Job

I thought I was in the wilderness, as I have written before. I thought I was experiencing difficulty to become better. I had finally got discouraged enough by it to just stop trying to connect to church people, to no longer attend home groups, extra meetings and go to leadership classes.

For 6 months now, in this latest church, I became a fringe church goer. No by anything I did at all.

However, I recently had a rather big revelation...I have not been in "wilderness training". No, I have for the last few years, started to suspect that my "calling" was to be one of the least. A person who God will use to judge the "church".

Why on earth would I think that? Well, in 1984 when I saw Jesus in front of me, He said He would take my life and make something of me. I then said, "OK, but I want you to do what ever it takes to make me the best that you can make me, not the best that I can make me".

The best. The greatest in the Kingdom IS the least.

Jesus said this. No, it's not something anyone would ask for. Had I known, I would not have said it...no, not at all. Ah, but He wrote it down to, well, seal the deal.

You see, a few months ago, I asked Him directly about it. I asked Him if that's what I really committed to in 1984. He reminded me that I gave Him my life that day, to do with as He wanted. I said, "Then why did it have to hurt so much?" He said, "If the hurt wasn't real, I could not judge the churches that rejected you".

So, I realized, my calling and "ministry" has already been active. I am not waiting for a move of God, I just need to listen and do as He asks of me.

Once He told me this, I looked back on many of the churches that ignored, ostracized, and pushed me to the outskirts, and realized that God indeed judged them right after He told me to move on. There were quite a few! From financial issues to major internal conflicts, they all happened when I quietly left. No, not kidding or exaggerating.

Look, I know it doesn't sound like something God would do, especially the way most "teachers" present Him. But then, considering how most "leaders" in Scripture consistently got it wrong...well, it does make sense, to me anyway.

One of the least. No, it's not something I would knowingly ask for, but being the best He can make me? Yeah, that would fit.

Now, as He said to me last Sunday...I need to do my job.

It's time to press in again. I can hope it will become fruitful, Ah, but if it isn't, well, I will cling to Jesus all the more and move on.

It is my calling after all.