I Get It!

◄ Revelation 2:4 ►

English Standard Version

But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.

When we find someone we love, it is as if every thought in our day and night is of that person. We are obsessed with them. That obsession wanes as time passes and we become more comfortable in the relationship.

As I was working on my career, it seemed to me that I had two or three lives.

One was my career self. Working hard to do a good job and have a good report with my coworkers and employers. During the work day it seemed to be all I focused on. I sometimes felt guilty that I had lost my first love for Jesus. I barely thought of Him and how to reach others. This "distance" increased all the more as favor with employers became harder to get.

My home self also seemed much more concerned about my relationship to my wife and daughters, especially in the teenage years.

My church self struggled with my inability to be perceived as useful to fellow church goers and leadership.

In each of these selves my biggest focus seemed to be my responses to what God threw at my in life rather than Him.

I remember times while working at my job, home and even church where I wasn't really even acknowledging God's presence like I did when I was a new believer.

Had I lost it? My first love?

Trials are a huge part of growing in faith, much like fights are a huge part of growing in a marriage. If you don't quit, you end up stronger.

Martha and I are still not perfect, but there is a level of comfort and confidence as we pass the 33 year mark. We don't look as good or come off impressive, but the years have imprinted each of us on the other much like any part of our body. I have thought of what it would be like if Martha passed. On one hand I think "well I could eat more ice cream" and I receive a feeling of freedom, but then I get the truth of the great loss that would fill the spot she left...yeah, like losing both legs.

Did I lose my first love?

No.

Distractions come. Life happens, but at any point in those distractions I would also not be able to bear the loss of that love with Jesus. I just never really considered it, because it really was not possible. God is faithful, and I am His work. I was never at any risk no matter how distracted I became.

I always knew He was there. Always.

My current job is a step toward retirement. It doesn't pay well, but the stress level is very low. I like the work, but I do get a lot of time. Now, I do spend more of my day acknowledging His presence, but my love for Him never changed...it just became more of a part of me.

It happened so slowly, like with Martha, I just really didn't notice it... until now.