Interactions with God #103
After I lost my job at IconMedialab, while we were still unpacking in our new house, I again had to begin the job search process. At this point, my resume had 6 years at Sybase, 1.5 years at iPlanet, 10 months at The Middleware Company and 6 months at IconMedialab. Adding the rather large gaps in between these jobs, my work history didn’t look so good.
Looking for a job is discouraging enough already. Seriously, all you do is filter through thousands of jobs that you are not qualified for, and then read rejection emails from those you are qualified for. Talk about feeling small. Fortunately, this stretch of unemployment only lasted until mid-August.
I got a call from a guy named Dennis. He was a half owner of a small consulting/IT Services company that was based out of Hermosillo, Mexico. The company offered IT outsourcing resources and competed with the ever growing markets in India and Russia. Dennis wanted me to consider selling their services. I waffled at first. It was a small company. They would only hire me as a contractor, so there would be no benefits or unemployment if I got the axe again. However, since our money had run out and I had no other options. I took the job. Yes, down to the wire…again.
Dennis was a bit shady. His language was foul and his honesty a little iffy. These things on their own could have been tolerable, but he was also constantly critical. He even came over to my house to watch me make calls and critique each conversation. “You should have said this…” “You shouldn’t have said that…” Oh, it was lots of fun!
At the Scottsdale Vineyard, Kevin placed me in leadership right away. This apparently bruised the egos of a few people. I lead a home group that met at Kevin’s home. Several in the group, were not happy about it, so they complained to Kevin after each meeting. Kevin, thinking he was “dicipling me” would of course tell me what they said. He would also offer his own critique of my actions or inactions. Oh, yes, even more fun!
Sometime in September, the disappointment, discouragement and criticisms came to a boiling point.
God will push us to our limits. Don’t let anyone tell you differently. Sure, He won’t give us more than we can handle, but until you reach that limit, you have no idea how much you can handle. At a home group meeting that month, I broke down during the prayer time. In tears I asked for prayer. I needed strength or a break from all the critical and negative pressure…from everywhere. I was rather surprised at the response.
I guess I had expected some sympathetic prayers or comments. Maybe Kevin would even lighten up a bit. What I got from my brothers and sisters was a string of “words” from God. “You are missing the boat, you are missing God’s solution”. “God wants you to suck it up”. Yes, they actually said those things and attributed them to God.
Was it God? Yes and no. As we went home that night, I knew the events were planned and purposed by God Himself. Was God saying to “suck it up”? No. From how the events that night transpired, I knew that God wanted me to hurt, even more. Apparently, to my surprise, I had not fully reached the limit of what I could handle.
When we lift weights, you pick a weight that is hard and you work with it until it is not so hard. Then you increase the weight. This is how muscles grow. Faith is like a muscle. It also needs to be tested with increasing pressure in order to force growth.
Did God orchestrate Job’s friends and how they responded? Of course He did! He is God after all. Don’t think He did? Well, you would at least have to agree that if He didn’t want it to happen, He sure could have stopped it! Yes, Job’s idiot friends were all part of the test, part of the proof to the host of heaven that Job was unbreakable. God doesn’t make mistakes.
These situations make you feel small. However, they really only hurt because we get our value from the things of this world. My opinion of myself cannot be obtained from my work, my church, my family or my friends. My opinion of myself must come from God alone.
Even though I knew God would still push me further, I was done with the home group at the Scottsdale Vineyard. I called Kevin the next morning to tell him I would no longer lead the thing. Unless we don’t have a choice or God says otherwise, we don’t have to stay in these unpleasant situations. We left the Scottsdale Vineyard a few weeks later.
After you go through these testing situations, you always hope that God will begin to pour out blessings upon you. He did with Job, so why not us? With a bit of hope, we started attending the Vineyard Church Anthem, in Anthem AZ. It was a new church plant sent out by the Vineyard Church North Phoenix a year after we were sent out to Cave Creek. It was much closer, only 10 minutes away from our new house. Yea, maybe blessings will flow now. NOPE! It was time to increase the weight…don’t want to get flabby now do we…