Interactions with God #108
After you go through experiences like we did, you begin to wonder about your value, your worth. It is easy as a Christian to accept why worldly people don’t like you. They are not supposed to. However, when those who are supposed to “love their enemies” don’t, well, it doesn’t leave you with any room to be arrogant.
If you have read any of the prior Interactions you would already know. I didn’t start out this journey thinking I was anyone of importance. So, why would so many people dislike me? Yes, on one hand, God would tell me it was all for my growth. However, without an Angel visitation or God Himself speaking out loud from the heavens, there is still ALWAYS the nagging doubt that all my “good” feelings from God” are made up by my own imagination. The “outside of myself” interactions are of a prime importance in this struggle. Yet, God does them so infrequently. You end up clinging much tighter to the simple dreams, visions and words that you are not so sure about. These Interactions become the reason you get up in the morning.
We arrived in Plano, TX during the first week of April of 2006. We had found an apartment that had two bedrooms in a location that was central to where the Dallas IT jobs should be. We found a church right away. It was a Vineyard church not too far away from the apartment. As a rather large church, we were just another family that got lost in the crowd.
Aside from my efforts to find a good job, I also made efforts to connect with others. We all need friends. Fellowship is extremely important. We need it emotionally, spiritually and even mentally. Being a trained sales guy, I have absolutely no problem walking up to anyone and introducing myself. Even after the circumstances with the last two churches, I was undaunted in my efforts to meet people. Of course, even so, this proved difficult. Especially in the church.
We just could not get anyone at the Plano Vineyard church to do anything with us. We did make some non-Christian friends, through my daughter’s school friends. We began to hang out with them. At least we had some friendship. Even so, these were not people that would sit and help us talk through the pain of the last few years. It is really amazing to me how important doing that really is. Unfortunately, with the shallow relationships in most churches now, this rarely happens.
With the insecurity feelings at an all-time high, God gave me another dream. In the dream, I found myself watching the TV show, Buffy the Vampire Slayer…with the actress Sarah Michelle Geller. No, I was not a big fan of the show. I had watched it, but really preferred the actual movie it was made off of. In the dream, as I sat on the floor watching the show, Sarah Michelle Geller would explain to me what was going on behind the scenes. I really liked her, but why on earth would someone like her be interested in me at all. Feeling like a high school kid experiencing his first “love”, I barely listened to what she was saying. All I could think of was whether or not she cared about me. She was sitting close but still in the “friend zone”. After a while, I got up to use the restroom and, due to my insecurity, sat down a little farther away from her once I came back. She looked at me with a smile, got up and sat down right next to me and then put her arm around me. She was clearly interested in more than just a friendship! I woke up elated.
No, I did not have the hots for Sarah Michelle Geller. Yes, she is pretty, but so is my wife. No, Sarah, in the dream, was not THE Sarah Michelle Geller. It was Him, Jesus Christ. I knew it when I woke up. I was still running with a great deal of insecurity in my relationship with Him. Regardless of my insecurity about His feelings toward me, He showed me that I need to realize that His love is absolute and… absolutely wonderful!
It was just a dream. It could have been nothing. It wasn’t a loud voice from the heavens. It wasn’t an angel visitation. No, it was just a dream. It was a dream with a message that I really needed to hear. I clung to it, and yes, I still do.