Interactions with God #11

Being tested is a big part of life with God here on this earth. However, I have learned that it is not like testing that the world does in schools, work, and otherwise. The world always tests to see if you are good enough. God tests you to prove that HE is good enough, and/or to show you were you are at.

Take Job for example. Most people believe that Satan is the one who initiated the troubles that Job experienced. That is just not true. God did. Yup, God started the whole thing by bragging about Job to the Devil. Now, of course God knew the events that were about to transpire, and so set up the circumstances to prove a point. What was the point? That Job was unbreakable. That was in fact God’s boast. So who’s value did it prove by Job passing the test? Job? No, it proved that God, can really make a man, who really loves God. The proof was offered to the entire universe, through the book that bares Job’s name.

When God tested Abraham. by asking him to kill his son Isaac, God already knew Abraham’s heart and whether or not he would do it. So, who was the test for? Why Abraham of course. God showed Abraham that his heart was one of dedication to God. Well, OK, He also showed it to Abraham's son Isaac as well...and everyone who would ever read, or hear the story being told.

God’s tests have a purpose. It can be to prove his work in us, or show us where we are. It could be to show us an area we need to work on, or an area where we mistakenly think we are not very strong. Either way, the test is not to prove we have no worth, for if we are tested at all, it is because God is working on us. God does not waste his time. If He is working on us, we are very important to Him, and he does not make mistakes.

My first big test came as a knock on the door. It was late, I, of course was alone in my apartment, since JOhn had moved out. At the door was Jennifer. She told me a story about her roommate having a guy over, and that she didn’t want to stay the night there. She wanted to stay at my place for the night, and she would just leave in the morning. I was a bit naïve, but not a complete idiot. I knew what this was, but I still could not just turn her away. I told her she could have my bed for the night, and I would sleep on a mattress downstairs. I did have two bedrooms, but some of John’s things were still in there, and I didn’t feel comfortable using it yet.

She of course said to me, “We can share the bed, it’s not like we haven’t done it before.” I told her no, and explained some of the events that had recently transpired. I told her I was living for God now, and could not do that anymore. I then tried to tell her a bit more about Jesus, and what He was doing for me, but she didn’t want any of that. So, she went up to my room, and closed the door. I pulled out an old twin mattress I had in a closet, and set it up on the floor downstairs.

What transpired next was one of the hardest nights I have ever had. I didn’t sleep at all. First off, I could not even come close to controlling my thoughts. Everything in me screamed “GO UP STAIRS!” I am a man. I struggle with man-like desires. Even now, married, and years of walking with God, this would STILL be a struggle…a willing girl nearby.

We can’t change what we are. We are in this world, and we will struggle with sinful desires. But the price to give in to them is really high. It can ruin a person’s world, and damage our relationship with God. I didn’t want my relationship with God damaged, especially not at this time. I do believe if I had given in, I would have again walked away from God, and probably never come back. I knew it was a test. I also knew He would help me pass, even though everything seemed against me. I would pass because I didn’t trust in myself…I trusted in Him.

As I lied there, fighting with my thoughts for hours and hours, no sleep, no, not even close, I felt something crawling up my leg. I pulled back my blanket only to find a cockroach on my thigh. This was not your ordinary cockroach either, it was a Texas cockroach. One of the big ones with WINGS! They call these things Palmetto bugs. I don’t much care what you call it, it was a massive cockroach. Sleep was now absolutely guaranteed to not happen that night. I, of course, now, didn’t want to sleep on that floor downstairs, so I moved the mattress to the hallway upstairs…closer to you know who.

Still I tried to get some sleep, but sleep never came. The thoughts were even worse now that I was so much closer. I would constantly think how easy it would be to just knock on the door and say, “Gee, I got attacked by bugs, and I would sleep so much better in my own bed.” I just knew she would agree… But, by the grace of God, I did not give in. Morning came, and I never slept. I put up the mattress before she even got up and just made some eggs, or something.

Jennifer left that morning looking a bit disappointed. I only saw her once more before I moved to Houston. I have not seen her again since.

I knew in my heart that I passed the test. My faith was stronger than I had thought. I knew that the earlier events had definitely changed me. I was on a new road, and I was walking it with the Creator of the Universe and He would make sure I finished it.