Interactions with God #114

Our identity is very important and what defines our identity is even more important. For many men, our careers define much of how we see ourselves. My career was in the toilet. For many Christian men, our ministry defines us. I no longer had any ministry. For still other men, family and friends give us our identity. I had zero local friends. No one that I could talk to or count on. My family was in a hurting place due to my loss of work and church issues. Affected to the core, they were hurting…because of me. My identity became the core battle in the very graphic novel that was my life. I will call that battle: The Infinite Identity Crisis.

Who was I? Who am I? Was I some loser who could not keep a good job? Was I a poor father and husband? Was I useless in the Church? My sources for identity were all bad, so I began to believe that I was a loser. God, thankfully, disagreed.

In early 2010, after a whole year of unemployment and another sparse Christmas. God gave me another dream. In the dream, I found myself as the son of Superman. 

The dream started with me already in flight, souring through the air just behind my dad…yup, THE Superman. I even had a matching red and blue suit. I was flying maybe 10 to 20 feet behind him as he swooped and turned around buildings and over trees. I could feel the air, the motion, even the sun on my face as we flew. It was awesome! 

Superman flew down toward an apartment complex that was in the process of being built. I followed as he headed toward a three story building that was just a roof with studs. He flew through the open side and weaved around the skeletal rooms finally exiting out of the window space on the far side. The outside wall had sheetrock recently installed. As I followed through the window space, I bumped the wall dislodging a section of the sheet rock. I swooped down and caught the piece before it hit the ground. Being super strong and all, it seemed as light as paper. I flew the piece back up to where it fell from and tried to re-attach it. As I tried, I could see that the piece of sheet rock had not been installed correctly. In fact, it had been barely hanging on. Realizing that one of the construction workers would have to re-attach it, I flew the piece down to the ground and leaned it up against the wall of the building. Over to my right, there was a small group of construction workers who sneered at me and began to mock me. I said to them, “Sorry, I bumped the sheet rock and it fell. I tried to put it back, but since it wasn’t installed correctly, I was unable to.” They mocked me all the more. 

I turned to fly over to my dad, who was now on the ground waiting maybe a hundred yards away. As I jumped into the air to fly, I only cleared 10 feet or so and came back down to the ground. I had lost my power! I kept trying to jump into the air again and again only clearing 10 to 20 feet at a time. I finally made it to where Superman, my dad, was standing. As I approached, I said to him, “I don’t understand. Why do I keep losing my power and why do people hate me?” He stood there picturesque, cape flowing with arms at his sides in the typical superman pose and he said, “Because you don’t know who you are.” I woke up.

What hit me right away was the obvious identity crisis. Who I am and who I will always be, is defined by God Himself…not by anyone or anything else. I considered who I was in the dream. I was the son of Superman! I was bullet proof, incredibly strong and amazingly powerful, yet I was concerned by what a few construction workers thought of me. The SON of SUPERMAN! Why would I care who looked down on me. I CAN FLY AND THEY CAN”T! 

Yet in the dream, just like in my life, I let my identity be defined by those who don’t see who I really am. Like kryptonite, this view causes me to lose the power given by my real dad…God the Father. What is that power? Well, flight is moving by God’s Spirit as He defined for me in several dreams past. Invulnerability. Nothing and no one can really hurt me. Sure, words hurt, but only if I let them define me. They don’t’. God does, and I see His smile. I know what He thinks of me. Who cares what others think!? Super strength. I can move mountains. Yes, I can. I had plowed through plenty of mountains by that time in my life. I would plow through many more yet to come. Nothing would stop my walk with God…nothing.

After the dream, I realized I needed to focus on who I was in Jesus Christ. Once I fully identify as His, then my walk will show that power. The power of His Spirit. The Power of God. The power of my Dad.

A year or so later, I gained even more understanding from that dream. I finally understood who the construction workers were. My past church leaders…they were the builders. In my simple and casual flight, I had exposed problems with their work. The sheet rock could have fallen and hurt someone. By God’s design, my meandering path led to dangerous flaws, forcing a repair. Of course, the builders weren’t too appreciative. My response in the dream and in life should not have been a loss of power. It should not have been a crisis to my identity. No, because I am not just another guy, meek and mild mannered. I am a son. 

Not a son of Superman. 

No, I am a son of the infinite God…with absolutely no kryptonite issues. 

Crisis averted. (Insert hero pose)