Interactions with God #32

In around early May of 1987, I moved out of the house of the House of Israel Church, a para church ministry for teen prostitutes in Houston.  I moved into an apartment complex where the pastor, of the church we all went to each week, lived.  The pastor, Charles Taylor, lived there with his wife, Donna.  The rent was only $187.50 a month. Which was low even then, while Houston was still in the throes of an oil bust.  I was still working with Dave Lowery at his Cabinet shop, so, though I wasn’t swimming in money, I was more than able to pay my bills. 

I began meeting regularly with Pastor Taylor and so far things were looking up.  I was struggling, however, with a bunch of questions.  Why would God tell me to quit school and join the mess in Houston?  Was I supposed to go back to school?  Was He mad at me for something?  Maybe it all happened because I just did the wrong things?  I was really unsure about a lot of things at the time.  I wasn’t unsure about God and His hand on me, just how well I had done with his calling. It did not appear that I had done so well.  These fears along with old insecurities began to build.  

It took a few weeks to get furniture, but being a young man in my early 20’s, my first action was setting up a radio.  I had an old car stereo and a power converter so I could plug it in to a standard outlet.  I hooked it all up with speakers and began to listen to local Christian radio stations.  I had nothing much else to do while I wasn’t working with Dave or meeting with Pastor Taylor.  On one occasion, I was listening to a program from the Moody Bible Institute.  I don’t remember who it was, but it started out by catching my attention immediately.

The speaker began to tell the tale of a man who had a hard time while growing up.  He went from failure to failure even though he tried his best.  He often struggled with self-love and self-respect.  Event after event, brought him more and more discouragement.  I began to really identify myself with this person. 

You know, when we do this kind of thing, we are just trying to find meaning in our life. We want purpose.  We want to know the struggles have a reason other than because we are stupid.  It is so much easier, when you are going through trouble, to have a hope that the struggle will make you better. 

I listened intently as the man’s story unfolded, now speaking out loud, “Yes! Yes! That is like me!”  Assuming of course, that the man was going to be some very successful preacher, hope was filling me now with each word the speaker uttered… up until he said:  “This man, after all he had gone through, took the only ability he was ever really good at and murdered the president of the United States!”  The man was Lee Harvey Oswald. 

I choked, and spoke out loud. “NO! NO! NO!”  I surely didn’t want to go down that road.  Needless to say, the program now had my complete attention.  The speaker, then, went on to give one of the best lessons on understanding God’s love for us that I have ever heard.  I realized as the message ended, that God wanted me to deal with how I saw myself.  As always, His method, for getting the message through, was very effective.  Every now and again, I still struggle with my worth.  I think back to that day when I found myself identifying with Lee Harvey Oswald and remember, I have not failed; I am simply in training. 

He gave me something better a few years later, something simple but extremely powerful.  He still uses this technique to offer me assurance.  It would be great for him to do it again, today.  Well, any day is good day for that.  What did he do?  He smiled at me… but that is another interaction yet to come.