Interactions with God #6
Everyone has moments in their life that are key, some even pivotal. This interaction was THE pivotal event in my life.
Everything changed that day in August of 1984. I changed that day. It was the day I met God face to face.
The summer began in 1984, John and I were still living in an apartment in Austin TX, but both now on academic probation due to poor grades. That meant that we were not able to enroll in the fall semester of that year, but could return in the spring semester of 1985.
Since parents were not happy, money wasn't given as readily. At this point I believe John’s parents were already covering us for the lions share. To help with funds, John and I started an office cleaning business.
I had worked for an office cleaning company in Morgantown, WV while still at WVU; but the company went under, so another co-worker and I picked up several of the contracts, and continued by starting our own company. Eventually it was just me with one contract. It helped pay the bills.
Since it worked before, I talked John into doing it in Austin. After some work to get companies to let us bid, we did manage to get two companies that contracted us to clean their offices. It wasn’t a huge amount, but it did pay bills better than a part time job. For me, at this point, the cleaning business, which we called Work Force, was all I had left for my self-esteem.
Through the summer, tensions began to rise drastically between John’s girlfriend and myself. I was still living how I saw fit. I could easily dismiss a sinful behavior clearly laid out by the bible because I didn’t believe it was accurate. But yet, God’s Holy Spirit will only tolerate sin for a short time. God is gracious but as it is written, “God disciplines his sons”. Conviction, guilt, shame, all of these things would hit me every day or so. One day I was Lou Party Animal, the next, Repentant Lou, holy man. I called this the time of the Tug o War. I was straddling the fence; a lukewarm, half-hearted Christian. I was at risk of being cast aside. This is not a good place to be. It not only causes problems in our relationship to God, but also everyone else; especially your best friend’s girlfriend.
Because of these tensions, many friends began to distance themselves from me. Eventually, late in the summer, toward the end of the month of August, John moved out of our apartment. I ended up alone in an apartment I could not really afford while trying to run a business without any transportation (John had the only vehicle). I didn’t know what to do.
I reached out to all my local friends to see if I could borrow a couple hundred dollars to buy a cheap motorcycle to continue the business, but no one would help. Finally, I called my mom.
My parents were not too happy with me at the moment, why would they be? I had moved many states away and began to throw my life away. When I called, she didn’t know how desperate I was. It wasn’t just the money, it was the failure. I was trying to hold on to anything that worked. I had nothing else but that office cleaning business and it was going to collapse. She wasn’t mean, not even a little, but she would not help either. She wanted me to give up and come home. I just could not take the failure.
I got off the phone and went to my room. I sat down on the floor and cried. My life, at 21, was over. I had failed miserably. I wanted to die. The last time I felt like this, I found Jesus Christ, so I called out to him. However, I did not call out to him in the same manner. I told him to take my life or I would end it that day. Sounds extreme yes, but I can tell you without a doubt, I meant it.
I have said for years, that if I had a gas stove, I probably wouldn’t have even made it upstairs. I had lost all my friends, disappointed my family, gotten kicked out of school and was about to loose any semblance of dignity I had left. I wasn’t offering God much, but I had nowhere else to go. God, however, saw things differently.
It is hard to explain what happened next. It is much harder to describe than the demon visitation or the angel appearances. It was immensely stronger, overwhelming even. To begin with, the moment I called out, the room changed. It was like the room filled with water from the ceiling down. It was thick, real thick. Then there was someone in front of me dressed in a white robe. I couldn’t see a face, but I could see clearly that he was holding a massive book. As I said, the feeling was overwhelming. I felt extremely small, yet cared about as if I was just as extremely important. I was not scared, rather strangely…safe.
Like the other visitations, this one was also not viewed with my eyes. I physically saw nothing. But I can tell you, it WAS there. The one in front of me spoke very loudly in my mind, heart or whatever, “I will take your life, and I will make something of you”.
You would think that would be it, and most people would stop there... no not me. I responded to the one in white, “Good, but I don’t want to just sit on a church pew. I want you to do whatever it takes to make me the best that YOU can make me, not the best that I can make myself”.
You know, I have no idea why I said that. It just came out of my mouth… out loud. The man in white did not say anything else. He simply wrote down something in the book, and then the whole vision lifted and was gone.
I sat there on the floor for a few more minutes, adjusting to what just happened. Yet, inside, I knew something had changed. I also knew that I was not alone and would never be again. I also knew I was no longer my own. I belonged to God. It is one thing for a man or woman to accept Jesus. It is by far another matter to make him King. We call him Lord, but for many, he is just a friend. Oh, he is my friend, my best friend, but he is also much, much more. He is my God, my King, and my Lord. He is my everything.
This happened that day in August of 1984 in Austin, TX and it has not changed since. It never will, because the decision is now out of my hands. From there everything changed. Also the interactions with God became VERY regular, and more interesting. That was almost 30 years ago now. He has taught me many things, some using very painful circumstances, and even a few with happy ones. But through it all, he has shown me over and over again, I am His… and he is mine.