Interactions with God #97

Even with the Interaction on my birthday the previous year and the little things God would do in circumstances and events, I still felt very distant from Him. He was completely silent during my prayer times.

God speaks to people. He never stopped. If you don’t hear Him, you either don’t really want to or He doesn’t want you to. Those are the only options. If you don’t want to hear Him, there is something wrong with your heart. If He doesn’t talk to you, He has a good reason for it. It may be that pain of growth thing. It may be that He wants you to make a greater effort to connect. It may be that He is pissed off at you for sin. He has reasons for everything. Seeing that He is God, we may never know the reason for many of the things He does or doesn’t do. We are only responsible for trusting His motives. Sure, hearing Him does help immensely with the trust factor. However, when you know you can hear Him, and yet He doesn’t talk to you during a struggle, the insecurities that result can be overwhelming.

Up to July of 2003, while in the midst of the many painful circumstances, God had gone very silent. I was beginning to feel forgotten. I kept seeking Him in prayer, but it felt like I was talking to the wall. After so many prayers like this, when He finally did speak to me, it was like food to a starving man.

I wasn’t expecting it, but there He was. I knew He was always there, but I finally felt Him again. He didn’t apologize for the distance. He didn’t need to. I knew He had a reason. I was just glad He let me feel His presence again. I did ask why, though. His response was typical God cryptic. He showed me a vision.

A vision is really just a vivid picture in your mind. It is like a waking dream. In this particular vision, I saw a rather large pendulum. I mean large… it stretched on for miles with the source of the pendulum reaching into the sky. The pendulum was swinging downward and then as it hit bottom, it moved upward again. He said this period of testing would be like the pendulum. Things were going to get worse until it reached the bottom point. Then it would get better, slowly at first. Like with any pendulum, when it is heading upward, the rate of climb increases drastically. So, life events would get better slowly, but then gradually increase to an abrupt upward direction. I liked the idea of a solid upward direction. I had hoped that I was at the bottom at the time of the vision, unfortunately, I wasn’t. 

I think I reached the bottom sometime in 2009, but that time frame is currently under debate…