It's All in the Handshake

I realized something last night. It has to do with relationships. Relationships are hard, I already knew that, but my perspective on them has been as limited as my perspective on food.

I like Lamb. It's one of my favorite meats. Many just don't like it, as it is too "gamey". It is simply a matter of taste. Whether that is due to upbringing, biology, or a combination of many factors, only God knows. It just brings out a major truth...we are all very different.

Much of my career was in sales. Sales training generally focused a lot about different personality types, so that a sales rep can modify their approach to sell to more people. In the training classes, they would always test each sales rep on their particular personality type, and then teach you how to present to other types. Me, I always came out on the extreme end of an Expressive personality type. In each class, usually late into day one, all the other students would say something like "Well, obviously" when my type was announced. Yeah, I am not the quiet one pretty much everywhere I go...

For most of my life, I have complained about not having any real close friends. Yet, Martha would tell me that one of her friends told her that their husband saw me as their best friend. I was baffled as I felt I hardly knew the guy. In fact, we barely talked. Yet, she said it was true!

I have come to realize, that like with food, sports, theology, and politics, it all comes down to our unique perspective.

We are extremely complicated beings. We have thoughts based on training, experience and peers. We have feelings that we don't have a clue how or why they work and what to do with them. We have damage due to experience, and limited capability to do any sort of repair work. And then, of course, a spiritual component that is even more impossible to grasp.

Yes, we are very complicated.

I have always been a bit odd compared to most. I am, as I said, expressive, but I am also very open. I will share things about myself that Martha is confused by, even to people I've just met. To her, that would be way to much to trust anyone with. To me, sharing much of my history, thoughts and even feelings on any subject is like a handshake. I put it out there hoping for a similar response in order to build a real relationship. When I share myself and someone doesn't respond in kind, is the same to me as if the person refused my hand...seriously, this is how it is to me!

I realized this last night pondering a meeting I had with a previous pastor yesterday afternoon. I left the church because I could not connect with others like I wanted, like I deeply desired. Well, that and I got tired of feeling isolated with that "mark" thing God has done with me.

I have written about this thing before, and told quite a few people, but I think very few believe it. I'm not sure I would if someone else told me that God had done it to them. But me, being me, I would just barrage them with questions about it just to "connect".

It was in 2008 just after I got laid off from HP, which was the longest layoff out of 15. I had for years experienced an inordinate amount of hatred and indifference from employers and church folks. I was never unkind or rude to any of them, yet there I was on my birthday struggling with rude treatment from a pastor and hatred from a boss who searched like mad for a reason to fire me, but when that failed, just laid me off.

On my birthday...God gave me a vision. In the vision, I saw a group of people standing together and a large hand came down and plucked a person by the head and placed them outside the group far away from everyone. He then said "I have marked you. I have marked you in such a way that those who hate me will hate you, and those that are mine, but who are insecure, will be uncomfortable around you." Yes, this really happened, and it really was God. Why, He has not yet said.

Because of the way God made me, physically, psychologically, historically and spiritually, this "mark" has been a painful experience. Yet, understanding how I desire to relate compared to others, may be what the mark actually is or at least a part of it.

I am different. I don't think anyone who knows me at all would argue that point. When, Martha and I got married, I really wanted to sit up most of the night and tell each other our full, and I mean full, life stories. Yes, I really did! Martha, as anyone who knows her, said "no, I'm too tired." Well, she didn't have a headache...

I was really disappointed with this! No, it didn't damage our relationship, and after 33 years, I think we did cover that info and add a whole lot more.

Yet thinking last night, my view on relationships is vastly different than what most, if not all others, have. I must learn this, not just in the mind but deep in my heart.

Everyone is different. Everyone's perspective is different. Everyone's handshake is different.

Mine, I guess is a sloppy one with both hands, a hug, and a document titled "This Is Lou" So, please don't be too taken back. I'm not looking for a new spouse, I just want a friend and this is how I roll.

Me, I will just have to accept that some won't put out their hand at all...maybe their afraid of germs...if so, I will have to just be OK with it.

Cough...Cough...