Living in the Grey

My family and I spent 8 years in the Phoenix area. 

For me, the biggest difference about Phoenix from other places that we have lived is not the heat, but the amount of sunny days.  It was sunny almost every day there.  That has a rather positive impact on one’s disposition.

After living there for about a year, we took the family back to NH for a couple of weeks.  At the end of the first week, Martha came to me saying that she was rather depressed and didn’t know why.  She said she should be happy, being in her home town and seeing family again, but she was not.  I told her, “Well, you know, we have lived in one of the sunniest places in the country for about a year, and you have not seen the sun since we got here…”  After thinking about it for a second, she agreed.  Yes, sunny days do have a very positive impact on our outlook. 

On the other end of the spectrum is Seattle.  Seattle is one of the cloudiest places in the US.  In Phoenix, they used to joke that the end result from a move to Seattle from Phoenix was a potential suicide.  Endless cloudy days can also have a very adverse effect on our disposition.

Now, there is also a very big difference from a storm to a typical gray day.  A storm can be very dangerous, yet sometimes thrilling…depending on your tendency toward excitement.  A storm also, does not last very long, although the damage may have a permanent impact.  

The storm is where most Christians in the churches focus their sympathetic efforts. “Oh, look at that poor family!”  “They are facing one difficult storm.”  “Let’s pray for them.”  “Let’s rally around them and offer support!”  Yes, yes, these are very good things to do.  I am sure God is very pleased with that kind of heart when it is attached to action.  But, when it comes to gray days, the Church is sorely lacking in their support efforts.

What!? You are going to compare a terrible storm to just a bad day?  No, but consider a string of bad days.  Not just one or two, or even a week.  I am talking about months and years. 

Smaller trials, yet constant and nagging.  Trials that keep coming with a continual decrease in the hope that maybe soon a sunny day is coming.  This kind of trial IS of the same caliber as a hurricane. 

But since the “Christian” only seems to notice the latest little trial, it seems of no consequence. 

After a year of unemployment, I finally got a job.  But I am not real happy about it. 

“You should be thankful!” 

Yes, I have heard that over and over.  More so, I get the look.  You know, the “what is wrong with him” look.   This seems to come often enough when one asks how my new job is going.  I simply answer, “It’s OK, humbling but Ok.”  That’s when they give me the look. 

So, I offer “well everyone is nice there”.  I am not really sure why I feel like I have to respond like that.  I guess it’s because I don’t want to appear to be some kind of Christian Eeyore.  Still, I really have a hard time not being honest in response to these questions. 

To some degree, I am thankful that I have a job.  It will pay the bills.  But the job is less than half of what I made at the job I lost last year.  And that job was 20% less than the job I had several years before that. 

I was a field sales rep, responsible for a rather large territory.  I worked from home.  I was successful at it.  Now, I am doing order entry.  One of 50 or so doing something very similar.  Yes, it is humbling. 

I do not consider this new job a “blessing.”  A band aid maybe, but no, not a blessing.  This job is simply a continuation of a time of testing.  It is not the sunny day I was hoping for.

Being humbled is not a bad thing. It is good for us in regards to growth with God.  Yet, it is not a fun thing.  It is not supposed to be.  I can accept that.  But I don’t have to sing a happy song about it. 

I am pleased that God puts so much time and effort into my growth.  But after so many days and years of continuous problems and discouragements mixed with a few major disasters, I really long for one sunny day.  A day when things will work, in ministry, in employment, in the home.  Yes, I just want a long sunny day at the beach!

“But you live in the United States! The richest country in the world! How can you feel sorry for yourself compared to those living in worse situations all over the world?”  I can because I am a man.  A real man.  Not some fake soul who believes somehow my acting like things are OK will make them so.  That is a fool’s errand. 

Can you imagine telling Jesus something like that while he was in the garden?  How about David when he was living in a cave?  Come on Christians!  Where is that “we shall know them by the love they have for each other” thing? 

It is a dangerous place to be, if you find yourself looking down on your brother or sister in Christ.  If you really care, maybe ask them why they are not flowing with joy.  Maybe find out their heart, then pray with them or encourage them. 

Better yet, shine like the Son.  After a string of gray days, we all need a sunny one.  Become that day for your brother or sister. 

If God is blessing you, it is not because you are better! No.  It very well may be that you are just not as strong as the one you are poo pooing.  He does not give us more than we can handle and all…

I know what God is doing.  I know the purpose of my wilderness time.  Sometimes I forget who I am in Him.  Sometimes I look at the waves and start swimming.  Sometimes I just want to quit.  But He won’t let me.  I am HIS work after all, not mine. 

I will not pretend though.  Jesus wasn’t pretending in the garden.  Paul was not pretending when he was in prison.  Joseph was not pretending in the pit.   Do I really need to go on? 

Are you facing storms or a string of gray drizzly days?  Be encouraged.  God has a plan and is working on you.  Trust him that those sunny days are coming even though you can’t see them on the horizon.  You are strong or you would not be where you are.  You are in good company.  From Job to Jesus, all manner of men and women of God were tested and proven true in this very same way.  

Discipline.  It is not always punishment.  Discipline as punishment will end only when behavior is corrected.  Discipline for growth ends only when the Master has finished perfecting his masterpiece.   If you are being disciplined because you have a higher calling, you are not really living in the gray… no, you are living in the light of heaven, in the heart of the God of the universe.  

YOU are the Sunny Day God has coming.