Motive

So I was thinking this morning while praying, about my motives.  Why do I like to talk about God, whether here on a blog, on Facebook or from a pulpit.  Why did I get up to speak the first time?  Was it to put myself forward or was it really just because I love to talk about him? 

You see, I was bugged last night, just a wee bit, that no one is following this blog yet.  As Martha said, “you just started it!” Yes, but I guess somehow I had hoped that God would make it explode on day one.  This put into question my reason for doing it in the first place. 

I have been waiting to become useful for God for many years now.  Not that I haven’t tried.  I have been a youth pastor, and church planter – twice.  I have done many “ministry” things.  But they all seem to fail or fizzle out and die.  My efforts never seemed to amount to anything.  So in my heart there is an element of wanting to do SOMETHING successful, but is that a good reason?

So my Pastor, Bo Dauster, comes over to work out as he does most Wednesdays.  During our manly excursion into free-weight lifting, I asked him why he first got up to preach.  I wanted to hear his story to help analyze my own motives.  He said he was invited to teach by his youth pastor many years ago.  He said he didn’t really have a great desire to do it as he was not all that comfortable in front of people.  He said he even still struggles with getting up in front of the church and delivering the announcements. 

This just started a conversation about things.  You must understand, I am half Italian and half Irish.  I talk with my hands, and rather quickly too, but I also jump around in conversation.  This must be rather frustrating to some, especially to those who are very structured.  Bo, didn’t seem bothered so if he was, he didn’t show it.  Kudos to him though, he keeps going no matter what direction the talk goes. 

We talked about some big name pastors and their churches, analyzing what they do and how they change or don’t change things.  We talked about listening to God and having a heart to do HIS will not our own.  But we both agreed that we still struggle with who we are as men (women too).  We can’t possibly always have the best motives.  I think though that if even in the smallest area of our heart we want to serve God first, he is pleased. 

Truth is; God can use our efforts whether or not our motives are right.  So, at least God’s word is getting out there for anyone to hear.  Success is up to the Lord.  So if they hear, good, if not, good as well.  Our job is just to do what he gives us to do.  God will work on my heart.  But it sure doesn’t hurt to be a wee bit cautious and keep a close eye on my motives.