Sack Cloth and Ashes

Well, it has been a difficult month.  I got a job as I said on my last post.  It is a good enough job, but not a great one.  That alone is disappointing, for one who has been waiting on God for many years.  What I didn't mention on my last post was the bad news I got the same week I got the job.  My youngest daughter decided that she is now bisexual and moved out of the house.   I am broken from this alone. Why is it that when you raise your children to know and love Jesus Christ that they can so quickly be drawn away to darkness? 

Are you saying that being bisexual is wrong? Yes. But since I don’t make the rules for this life and universe, my opinion is irrelevant.  However, I did not get my opinion from my own comfort level or whims.  I get my opinion from God.  Look, you can tell yourself all you want that the bible is wrong or that it was written for a time long ago.  These arguments may make a person feel more comfortable with their SIN, but when judgment day comes do you really think it will hold water?  I believe the bible is true because I asked God and he told me it was.  That is the end of the story to me.  For others?  Well, if they don’t come to God’s truth, they will die with their lies.  On one end, I could say it’s not my problem whether or not people get saved, but I can’t because I care.  Especially for my children.

My hurt regarding my daughter has only compounded an ongoing issue that God has struck me with.  For many years now, though he teaches me many things that are true and even life-changing, when I tell others, they stumble over me.  Added to the disappointments of failed ministry and layoffs, I have no voice…not to the saved or unsaved.  Now, I realize that my impact on my children has also been weak.

This is not due to effort.  I did pray with them.  I did teach them.  I did show them by example.  So did Martha.  But I have one daughter who no longer goes to church and her marriage is on the edge of a cliff.  The other has also walked away from God and is now depressed and confused by the world.   Yes, my heart is broken. 

But I hold on to God.  Saving faith comes only from him, not from my reasoning’s or arguments.  No, the words I say only have any effect if God wants them to.   It is not up to me.  I did things the way HE wanted.  I did not give up, or compromise.  I am clean here.  Boastful much?  Just stating the facts. 

So, why would God hurt me so?  Because I am His and he is working on me.  He is working on my family as well…all at the same time…in unison.  That is really something awesome if you think about it.  

My success in this world is not in the impact my words or life have on anyone.  My success is how I grew in faith toward my God, my King, and my friend.  It is the same with everyone.  Yet, we all want to have a positive impact on this world.  We look into the scriptures and marvel at what God did using stupid men and women like ourselves.  Impact.  Yes, that would be nice.

Yet, we in the church right now seem to be impacted rather than impacting.  We seem to be on the defense in all areas.  This really bugs me.

This week, we heard some really bad news from a friend and Pastor of ours.  His wife has an invasive breast cancer.  She is only 33 with a two year old child.  WHY?

Yes, I ask this question of God.  Why not?  Do you really think he will be offended by me asking?  “Oh, but you are not trusting!”  Sorry, you are in error there.  Have you never read Job, Psalms or most of the bible?  Men and women of God were always in his face asking him why.  The difference is whether it is accusatory or questioning.  I want to know why, because I want to know God.  I want to know if there is something I can change or if there is anything I can do to help him fix it.  No, it is not wrong to ask why.

So why would God make a young family struggle with cancer?  Why would he make a young man of God struggle for most of his life with ministry, job loss and dismissive Christians and pastors?  Why? As I have said many times already, we are HIS workmanship.  We are the project.  We are the reason.  It is enough sometimes just to know that.  Though on some days, it is not.  Some days I want to fight.  Some days I want to do something!

I have been thinking of sackcloth and ashes today.  It is what men and women of God did when they faced a storm.  Whether a surround army, famine or plague, that was a typical response.  They would humble themselves by putting on sackcloth (think burlap) and cover themselves in ashes.   This showed humility, but they did it in order to get in the face of God.  They could be repenting as well, but the mind and heart were to humbly but BOLDLY go to God for an immediate response. Maybe it is time to go old school. 

I am tired of getting my butt kicked.  By the enemy, by the world and by false believers.  Yes, I am ready for a fight. Time to get in the face of God.

WE ARE PART OF HIS KINGDOM!  Let’s all agree to call HIS kingdom to come.  We have embraced the foolish kingdoms of men for too long.  These Christian leaders are not our heroes!  They have made themselves fat by teaching happy thoughts!!!  We have forsaken the real and very powerful Kingdom of God for these fake, pathetic kingdoms of just men.  These men don’t even compare to men like David, Moses, Peter or Joseph.  No, these men are powerless or worse…charlatans.  We need the kingdom of God to come.

The Kingdom of God comes when we, in our hearts, swear allegiance to the authority of the king.  When we have no other ruler before us.  His kingdom will come.  When we see ourselves as the subjects.  When we realize we are His property.  For then, God will defend HIS own. 

Sack Cloth and Ashes.  A place of apology and humility, yet a place of demand.  A bold demand for action from the KING. 

Yes, Lord, YOU are KING!.  We are your people.  We have acted foolishly.  Because of this, your enemy has attacked us brutally.  Let your authority come!  Bring your vengeance! Bring your power!  Bring your judgment!  Defend your people!  We trust you God! We trust you with our very breath.  We trust you with our health.  We trust you with our families.  We trust you with our jobs.  We trust you with our present, past and future.  You are God.  Come… we wait on you.