Timing
(The Earlier Facebook Post added below - "Titled Chained to the Bench", plus a comment from Darleen Sabota )
It is interesting that this post came up today . I really thought I wrote it more than a year ago too.
You see, it was a bit of a panful post. Not because of the memory, but rather because it was yet another confirmation that the chain attaching me to the bench was still there.
I write these things as a form of ministry. I would have thought that was obvious, but then again, my view is generally not the same as everyone else. I write them for me as they are therapeutic, and I write them for others in the hope they may encourage someone who is also chained to the bench like myself. We all know, it is always nicer to know we are not alone in our struggles.
When you are waiting for God to move, and not for just a few weeks, but rather your entire lifetime, you are constantly looking for the change to come. Looking everywhere and in everything.
It has always baffled me that when I tell my experiences with God, others poo poo them so readily. I am confused because when I hear someone talk of an encounter with the God of the universe I excitedly quiz them to find out more about the same one I pursue. Sure they may be lying, or just out and out crazy, but what if? What if it were true? If my God had spoken to them, what did He say? What can I also learn from their encounter?
In the churches that I have been part of since I had my first major encounter, everyone talked of seeking God and getting to know him, yet when I mention my interactions with the one they seek, I always got an attitude.
Look, I get it. For those who don't believe in God at all, I am a nut. It doesn't bother me at all. For I know, that if I don't want to believe something, I will ignore it or even ridicule the source of the message. I had also done this to others before I knew God. However, for Christians to do this? So regularly and consistently? There was definitely something more going on here.
In an interaction with God on my birthday back in 2008, God told me what it was...I call it the chain. He, yes He, God of the Universe, Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit, told me that He “marked” me. He said that this mark would make those who hate Him, hate me, and those who are His, but yet insecure, would be uncomfortable around me. What He never said was why.
I figure it was for growth, because in my first major encounter in 1984, He promised to take my life and make me the best that He could make me. He even wrote it down. I saw Him, standing right in front of me while I was a puddle of desperation on the floor. He even sent me a prophet (yes, a real one, He still has those) to remind me of the event on the only day I ever doubted that it had happened...on my birthday in 2002. Through the prophet, whom I had never met before, God reminded me that I did indeed ask Him to do it and that I saw Him write it down. He is really cool like that.
It is funny though, even with unbelievers, who would chew up a story about ghosts, aliens or some other supernatural occurrence from the strangest and unreliable sources, will out and out ignore my story. This happened to me, again, just a couple of days ago at my current place of employment.
A young girl I work with is going through a bit of a struggle. Her husband is sick, possibly cancer. Our conversation broached the topic of God, who I know very well. She referred to Him as a higher power like she also knew Him. For those who know Him, that of course, is not really Him. He is no “higher” power. He IS power. I tried to add to her knowledge by sharing some of mine, but it was clearly rejected. I told her that I had and encounter, she said she had one as well. I reiterated, that I didn't just feel Him, that I had seen Him standing right in front of me...still nothing.
I went home perplexed again by the chain. It seemed to me that any sane person, who knew me enough to know that I am not a liar and not given to exaggeration or insanity, would want to know more! I figure that if I had said an alien had stopped by my house to experiment on me, they would want to hear more. But not this, no, not God...because of the chain.
The chain isn't a bad thing. It is purely there to make me grow. I get it. I accept it, even relish in it sometimes, for if God Himself is taking that kind of interest in me, then WOW. Yeah, I am cool with it.
Yet there are days where this is very disappointing and discouraging. I would like to help this young woman. What I know could set her on a path to understand the reason for her pain. It could very well remove all of her fear! If she KNEW that God was real, then she might reach out to say “hello” and find that He responds with the same...”Hello”. From there, my work would be done! For our job is nothing more than to point to Him and help others on the way.
I want others to know Him. I do know Him. Yet, others stumble over my chain. This is why I wrote the post below.
If you have made it this far, you can even see my chain if you just read the comments that I got last year. One person offered the same retort as the man who rejected my help in the post. “You should try this...or that” totally missing that my very writing of the event was in fact a ministry effort. Another offered the exact same retort as the man I tried to encourage...”Why would God Chain you to the bench?” Can you see it? I can. I see it all the time. At work, at play, and particularly at Church.
Ah, but there is an end coming to my chain. Soon, the God of the universe will send me into the game. How do I know? Well, I am not given anymore to wild hope based on simple circumstances. Many, many disappointments will cure you of that. No, now I need quite a bit of confirmation to jump into the boat of confidence that God is going to move. Usually, it comes in three's.
The first was a word from an old friend out of the blue on my birthday, Darleen Sobota. She had once offered me a prophetic word when I just turned 49 that God would finally release me in my 50's. I normally take these words with a grain of salt, but in this case I had been starting to feel like it would never happen...and God does seem to like to do things on my birthday. Again, on my birthday this past November, Darleen had another word. She said that God would move in 2020 and I would understand why He has taken me down this path.
This was one.
The second came from my own mouth while in Church in early December. The pastor asked for people to share what God was saying to them, so I also added what I felt He was saying. In my short word, I said that God was using circumstances to hollow us out so He can fill us with more of Himself. In that word, I also said that in the next year it would be made clear for those who wait on Him. At the time, I didn't remember what Darleen had said at all. Martha reminded me of it later.
The third was a word at that same church, I think just after Christmas. The man who gave it to me is named Mike. Mike had not really done anything like that before and he didn't really know me well. He sat down next to me after service, while I was writing something God was showing me into my phone. I wasn't expecting anything and wasn't prepared for what happened next. Mike just sat there, nervous as he had no idea how I would receive it, and then told me that he felt God press him to tell me that this next year, 2020, would be my best year yet. Stunned, I looked at him and said “that is number three!”
If that were all that happened, I would probably be doubting it all by now...again. But it wasn't. For the God of the universe, through His Spirit, flat out overwhelmed me with His presence right after I replied to Mike.
As I have said, I have had encounters before. I have seen Jesus Christ standing in front of me. I have seen angels, real ones, not a vision or ghostly view, but one I could have touched. I have seen demons and even watched them move things as they tried to intimidate. I have had dreams, some that were prophetic. I have seen prayers answered quickly and some that took years. I have even had an encounter where God pinned me to the floor for almost an hour. Yet, this one was absolutely overwhelming. I have never felt anything like it. My mind was completely washed over. The feeling was amazing and both terrifying. On one hand it was great, and on the other, I just wanted it to stop. I now understand why men in the scriptures would say that they could barely breathe in His presence.
So, this is going to be a good year. So far, the chain is still there, but I know it will end and soon. It could be 12/21/2020 at 11:59pm, and I wouldn't put it past Him, but it will happen. I have all that I need.
I have His promise, a lifetime of those...and confirmation.
5 Years Ago
See your memories
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Chained to The Bench
I became a Christian in 1982. Unfortunately, for two years I was not a very good one. No, I was completely unidentifiable from the rest of the college students around me. I still slept with a girl I was dating, drank way to much alcohol and smoked un-proscribed marijuana occasionally. Unidentifiable for two years, up until God ripped my world out from under me to get my attention. My attention He got, and has not lost it since.
So, in 1984, I really, REALLY, realized that HE was God, and that meant much more than I had previously imagined. You see, I had an encounter.
An encounter with the one above all, is exciting. It is life changing. It TOTALLY changes your view on EVERYTHING.
I was ready then. I wanted to throw everything away and do some awesome thing for Him, even if it meant losing my life. No, not exaggerating. No, not kidding. I really did want to give Him my all...I still do.
Attempt after attempt to jump in to the fray and play the game, God would snap me back to a place of waiting...the bench. Yes, I am a bench warmer for God.
Was it by choice? No.
Was it because I am not good enough? No...none of us are good enough.
Maybe my heart was wrong? Well, if so, God could have easily changed it.
So what happened? I don't know. But I do know that every-time I step up to the plate, evil men or circumstances get in the way and shut me down.
Ah, so it is the devil who is stopping you! No, because, I know who God is. The devil can't stop Him, so if I work for God, how would the enemy stop me at all. No, the devil can't even slow me down. God, can overcome ALL obstacles, even self-centered leaders or peers who want to ruin you. No one can stop God and anyone He chooses to work through.
So, why would He do this? Growth. That is pretty much all I know for now.
Growth for what? Ha! You got me. But I do know this. The work of God in our lives is not what we do. No, It is us. He is more concerned with what I become than what I do for Him...He doesn't need us after all. He can do anything and everything without us if He wants to.
I spoke to a man's wife at church a few years ago. She had said her husband was really struggling with where God had him. He was sure he was called to more and didn't understand why. This I knew. This I could identify with. After all, I had been struggling with the same thoughts and feelings for many years at that point. I figured I could help him. I figured I could encourage him. So, off the bench I went...
As I was asking him questions and then began to try to encourage the man, his countenance changed. I didn't recognize it at first, even though I had seen the same thing many times over the years. I can be so slow sometimes!
Instead of listening, he began to take a defensive posture. Look, I assure you, I did not approach him arrogantly or dominantly at all. No, I detest those things as the evil they are. He was simply offended.
Offended by what I was saying? No, for that would not have been possible based on the words and tone I gave him. No, he was offended because he thought so little of me. Yes, that was the face. That was his tone. How dare I, a nobody in the church, speak words of truth and encouragement to him. His response was not what I expected...but I should have. I did know better.
"What are YOU doing for God?"
Instead of gracious or thankful words, he attacked me. I had told him God had me chained to the bench. He then listed off (and pointed to) several men in the church who were doing things for God. Little things but doing something. Why wasn't I doing anything? Then he said "chained to the bench. What does that even mean?"
Now in a saddened, humiliated, defensive position, I tried to explain again. He wasn't interested in an answer. So as he walked away in disgust. I was left, again, like a deer in the headlights wondering what the hell just happened.
That is the chain. It snaps you back from the neck up. And it hurts too.
Yes, maybe I should have not even tried. Maybe I should have just stayed on the bench. It would surly be less painful...but, I can't. I just CAN"T.
I am still excited about Him due to my original encounter and quite a few more since then. I am not perfect. I would not even call myself good. No, but I do have passion to spare, and through the discouragement, failure and the brutal snaps of the chain, I will still keep trying.
You see the crazy thing about my effort to minister to that man. Yes, it was ministry, no different that anything everyone of the men he pointed at were doing. Yet, because of his pride, he couldn't see it, and used me to make himself feel bigger in an evil way. How sad that is to me! I think it is to God as well.
You see that is what God wants. Not bigness, not important work. No, He wants a man or woman to have a passion for Him that won't quit no matter where or what they are chained to. Because in reality, the chain doesn't just keep me attached to the bench, it keeps me attached to Him.
You see, He is sitting on the bench...right next to me.